Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Patti's Flash Challenge

Here's my story for Patti's flash challenge. I made two changes to my paragraph. I substituted the name Dorothy for the first she so I could set up my character and I moved the very last sentence of the paragraph to the first sentence of the second paragraph.

You'll find a list of the other participants and their stories at Patti's blog http://pattinase.blogspot.com and at Gerald So's blog http://geraldso.blogspot.com Many thanks to Patti, Gerald, and Aldo for hosting yet another fun writing experience.

LOST IN VEGAS
by Sandra Seamans

Dorothy couldn't get the eyeliner to go on straight. Her eyes kept tearing and twitching under the sharp edge of the pencil. She rubbed the lines with her finger, but that smeary, smoky look didn't work on her; her eyes were too intense already. She laid the pencil down beside the sink, grabbed a cigarette out of her pack, lit it, and sat down on the toilet to smoke. She looked into the half-open eyes of the corpse, haphazardly submerged in bloody bathwater and whispered, "God damn you, David."

She glanced up at the Tinkerbell alarm clock on the bathroom shelf, always set fifteen minutes fast, and calculated time of death to be closer to twelve-thirty than twelve-forty-five. Dorothy shivered. What the hell difference did it make what time her stupid husband slit his wrists? He was dead and she was left to deal with another one of his impulses. If he'd given his half-assed idea any thought at all, he'd have checked to see if we had a life insurance policy before he killed himself to pay off Malone.

But that was typical David. He just winged his way through life, leaving her to manage the best she could. At least this would be the last time. Tossing her cigarette butt into the bathtub, Dorothy grabbed a washcloth and started scrubbing away the charcoal colored tear stains from her face.

"You know, I really don't have time to deal with you right now, David. You're going to have to keep your ass soaking in that tub until I get done work, someone's going to have to pay off Malone and it sure as hell isn't going to be you. Besides, you don't keep a thousand dollar an hour client waiting, especially not for a man who isn't going anywhere. Of course, you haven't been going anywhere for years now, have you?"

Dorothy picked up the eyeliner, the lines going on perfectly straight this time. Just a touch of shadow and blush for that innocent look. "There's no point staring at me like that. What the hell did you think I was doing every night while you were in the casino shooting craps? Did you really think that Malone was doing you a favor by letting your debt slide? Hell, he loved when you were losing, the more you lost, the bigger his cut from my clients. But the truth is, you'd need ten whores working full time to pay off the debt you've racked up.”

She opened her lipstick, sliding the slick red gloss back and forth on her lips, giving herself a satisfied smack in the mirror. "I wonder, David, did you really believe you could Peter Pan your way through life without any consequences? Who did you think was paying the rent on this fancy apartment? Maybe Tinkerbell with a little magic fairy dust?"

Dorothy pulled on a blond Alice-in-Wonderland wig, centering the big blue bow on the top of her head, and fluffing the bangs so they framed her eyes. "And then, after years of walking through life with your head up your ass, you suddenly wake up and take exception to the fact that I'm prostituting myself to pay your bills? You certainly didn't think I was making the kind of money you were tossing around singing in some piano bar, did you? And you certainly weren't winning at the craps table."

After slipping into a blue gingham dress and tying on a starched white pinafore she sat back down on the toilet and pulled on white knee socks before slipping her feet into a pair of black patent leather Mary Janes. Standing up, she adjusted her clothing in the full length mirror hanging on the back of the door, smiling as Dorothy and Alice exchanged places in the looking glass. "Alice is a much better fit for Vegas than Dorothy, don't you think? After all, poor, naive Dorothy never wanted to live in Oz, she just wanted to go home, back to Kansas where she belonged."

She wrapped a cloak around her slender body, spinning in front of the mirror to make sure the transformation was complete. "That Cheshire Cat grin isn't going to work on me, David, I know all your tricks. Dorothy tried to tell you that Vegas wasn't Neverland, but did you ever once listen to her? No, you just kept right on believing that sparkling neon world out there was your own private playground until Malone shattered your fairytale dreams along with your jaw."

Alice pulled Tinkerbell off the shelf. The clock was a wedding gift from David, he’d said it would bring them luck, but Vegas had sucked all the luck out of their lives, leaving her with nothing. She tossed the fairy in the tub with David. "Welcome to the real world, sweetie, too bad you didn't have the balls to deal with it. Well, I must be off, Wonderland is waiting and I'm late...for a very important date."

16 comments:

Patrick Shawn Bagley said...

Now that's disturbing...in the best sense of the word.

pattinase (abbott) said...

This is just terrific. So many clever ideas at work here in 750 words. Thanks so much.

Ray said...

Nice one, Sandra. A great piece of narration.

John McFetridge said...

Wow, what a fantastic, visual story. The details are great.

Sheès a great character, too, Dorothy or Alice or whoever she is next - which I'd really like to see.

Scott D. Parker said...

Aw-right! Loved the ending and the 'transformation'. Oh, also really loved this sentence: "did you really believe you could Peter Pan your way through life without any consequences?" Peter Pan as a verb. It works.

Jacob Weaver said...

Great story Sandra. It was an incredible amount of detail packed into a tiny space. I loved it!

Cormac Brown said...

Off with David's head...well, kinda late for that. At any rate, a brilliant adaptation of the paragraph.

Gerald So said...

Nothing like a conversation with a dead guy, I say. Way to run with this.

Sandra Scoppettone said...

Terrific prose. Great getting from here to there. I liked the transformation, too. I'd like to know more about her.

David Cranmer said...

Sandra, I'm late to the comments here and I can only add it was a pleasure to read this very fine flash piece.

sandra seamans said...

Thanks so much everyone! I hadn't thought about doing more with this character but John and Sandra have me thinking where she might go next.

I don't know who wrote the paragraph but a special thanks for giving me this character to play with. And to Patti who came up with the idea.

Pamila Payne said...

Sandra, nice job on my paragraph. I really like what you did with her and how you took the small detail of the Tinkerbell clock, and managed to extrapolate the couple's whole relationship dynamic from it. Very cool. Thanks for playing.

G. B. Miller said...

Creepy, but very fascinating.

Thanks for sharing.

sandra seamans said...

Thanks, Pamila, I'm glad you liked what I did with it. I'll admit it had me baffled until I focused on that clock.

GeorgieB, creepy's good. I was trying to show how she'd lost all hope of ever getting back home.

Paul D Brazill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paul D Brazill said...

this is a fab story.small bur perfectly formed ..we could have more of Dorothy/ Alice/ Wendy....Pamila? Did you really name David afer me?!